What I learnt.

Here I am, laying down staring at Toshi. Sweet oh cheesus, I miss this feeling, I miss being myself, I miss being alone. I miss the feeling of just me and the four walls, headphones on, and as I turn off the world. I just miss the only me, I miss less caring about the rest. I miss my comfort zone. I just miss this.

Well.. what can I say? 3 more days, and I.. need to change my diary. I need a new diary, to close every chapter of my 2011, and move on to a new one ahead. This might be one.. freaking long post. One heartfelt post. This might be.. everything to me. Just don't mind, okay?

2011 wasn't the best year of my life, it wasn't the easiest as well. This is one tough year to get through. Those uncountable tears, those fake smiles. Lord cheesus, one tough year to be beaten. But, I still have in mind, the times when laughs were literally laugh, when times were so sweet. I lived this 2011, every second of this 362 days, alive. Shared the best memories, laughed the best laughs, yet I cried over the worst memories, struggled through the harshest moment.

Flipping through diary pages, to every blogpost I posted, through every notes I wrote.. My first months of 2011 were not chocolate sweet. I fell out of love. To a good guy, and it was butthard to care less. As I was trying to deal with one, another came along. A fist in your very already swollen face. It sucks to see things that were so divine at the very first place came tumbling. As one tumbled one, another one follows. I was pretty much clueless. I sulk so much, and sulking.. it’s pretty much like diving. You swim deeper, you swim deeper, you’ll get the very best view of the corals and fish, but sooner or later, you’ll run out of oxygen that you need to get out. There’s no use staying under the surface for too long, you’ll die. You have to get back up to the surface. And swimming back, will never be as tempting. I needed to move on out of love, out of issues I've gotten myself into, and issues life gotten me into. How I gotten through everything, I don’t know.. I just did. But really, even roses got torns. I never for even a meresecond regretted the first months of my 2011. It made me.

What did the first months of 2011 did to me that I fell in love, with another guy, faster than I thought I would? It didn’t feel like me. It wasn’t my thing, to easily fell for a guy. Needless to say.. my hopes were turned down, it didn’t ended up as I thought it would. I knew before that this was what I was going to get.
Did I fell in love again? If you might be asking.. *and I wonder if anyone still sticks up to this point..* Yes I did. With the guy I never thought I would fell for again. Question marks are all over the air, did I learn from mistake? How could I? Yes, I did learn from mistakes but.. I don’t know. I just did. And did I regret? No. I can say.


I’m one lucky girl. What can I ask for more? I have the best boyfriend worldwide.

Out of those cupid issues I had.. Friends before lover. That one law of nature I forever will not break. It felt heaven when I knew that I forever will have people that will stand by me, no matter how hard things might get. If sweet words broke my heart, they won’t even say a word so they needn’t to break my heart. If promises and lies broke my heart, they needn’t to promise me a thing, they will, even without a promise. Who’ll forever answer my phone 24/7 and stay awake just to hear me cry.. My chicks, really. They did that. I can’t ask for better chicks. We did fight, we had issues among each other, but the fact that I still came back to them, we found our way back, and I just knew..






.. they’re forever the best damn thing.

To people that watched me grew, to those girls I grew up with..

they knew, how I thought about my look. Too much this, need that more, and I came into one conclusion... fugly. How I was so not confident. Well, isn't that normal that there will be one phase in a girls' life, that you were so not confident with yourself because you're surrounded with divine looking gorges that can rock every outfit they put on? I had this very phase, that I need a confident injection. We all fell into the society, where the definition of beauty is big eyes, strong bone structure, divine body, and freaking long legs. So.. isn't that normal to feel fugly? Well, this people I grew up with.. we all knew how we look like back then, how make up changes each of our faces, and how skinny you beauties are now.. we all changed, like what the society pretty much wanted us to. Labeled ourselves fugly, just because we didn't fit in one of those stereotypes. How much we people lost weight? What did we do just to fit in? It was one hard segment, really. To finally get back up and to gain back your confidence.

What can I say? I’ve lived my very 2011. I’ve gone through so much. I grew, out of everything. I kicked every butt life told me to. To look back at what I wrote back then at the year changing night..
Hey 2011. Just be nice, okay?

Dear 2011, you wasn’t that nice. But lessons you taught me to, I never regret. Anyway, thanks for the best memories. My boyfriend.. and forever to the best people I’ve had. To the restless days and sleepless night. Cheers to you.