I'll be fine. I swear I will.

Things are getting tougher. Well, it's not me exaggerating but truth is. The clock is ticking, pressure's on, zero decision has been made. My future's the stake. For goodness' sake.
What hurts is... when they thing I'm incapable. Swear, nothing hurts more.

Well what can I say? Making decision sucks!

So why am I still here in the rain?

I often close my eyesAnd I can see you smileYou reach out for my handAnd I'm woken from my dreamAlthough your heart is mineIt's hollow insideI never had your love And I never will
And every nightI lie awakeThinking maybe you love meLike I've always loved youBut how can you love meLike I loved you whenYou can't even look me straight in my eyes

I've never felt this wayTo be so in loveTo have someone thereYet feel so aloneAren't you supposed to beThe one to wipe my tearsThe one to say that you would never leave
The waters calm and stillMy reflection is thereI see you holding meBut then you disappearAll that is left of youIs a memoryOn that only, exists in my dreams
I don't know what hurts youBut I can feel it tooAnd it just hurts so muchTo know that I can't do a thingAnd deep down in my heartSomehow I just knowThat no matter whatI'll always love you
So why am I still here in the rain

It's not even a hundred days of Summer.

It's you, it has always been you.

We're all walking with these glossy eyes. "I'm just tired," we say. But you know what? It's bullshit. Yes we are tired, but not from lack of sleep. We are tired of waking up with nothing to look forward to, tired of going to bed exhausted after doing a million things we find no enjoyment in doing. We're tired of this void, this emptiness that looms over us though our days are packed. We're tired of this loneliness that presses down on us even though we're surrounded by dozens of people. So why can't we just say it?

Humans are so afraid to look into each other's eyes and say "I am unhappy, I am broken, I am hopeless and fallible." We've been conditioned to associate the pain with weakness, sadness with coldness, loneliness with unworthiness, difference with disease, as if these feelings are contagious, as if ambivalence is something not to be felt but to be feared. Well I say, screw all of that. Screw forced smiles and polite handshakes and I'm fine thankyous. Screw the fear of crying in public place, screw the fake chipper voice, screw the lies we spit out to cover up our problems.

We are humans, we are meant to feel. To feel everything and to feel it all openly. We are not metal - we are flesh and bones. Our boiled blood courses through our cold, clammy hands. We are intricate and beautiful, and we should never hide our human parts, because if we do, then what's left to show?

I guess it's all my own fault from the very first start. No one to blame, not even you. It's my fault for falling for you. When I know, you will never feel the way I feel. And today, no I'm not okay.

Zillions going in my mind, I need a bigger-spaced brain.

Guess what it says? It simply says... I love you.

The worst thing ever is not knowing. Not knowing everything and not knowing what to do. How to react to every single thing happened. It's like you're put on hold, and you don't know what should do. Should I wait? Or should I just end the phone call? You know nothing, you know not what the person who is going to do. All you gotta do is wait, and let it flow. And waiting has never been easy. You have no idea how much I hate waiting. And also, letting things flow by itself... is rather hard as well. Especially, when it comes to feeling. When you let it flow, you're afraid you'll fall too deep. But your feelings are the only thing beyond our reach. Damn, hard.

I'm reconsidering the major I'm going to take for college. I could just quit high school this year and go to college if I'm taking up design. But.... language and literature seems interesting too. And somehow, more promising. If I'm taking up design, I have loads to be considered. Which includes, my health.
Or should I just be a stewardess? Fly around the world, and smile. I'm not very picky at jobs though. My only wish is to go round the world and be happy, I'd work anything just to get my wish granted. Real talk.

On the other hand, I'm so enjoying Formspring.me! Tons of questions, some are funny, some are serious, some are witty. Geeez so much fun!

I'm over it, can you please just be happy?

It's like going back to December, with the ones I can finally be true to. But as nothing lasts forever, it wasn't infinite as well. I left. And here comes reality. Back to real life. It's just the matter of who's there when I need them, just the matter of who'll never leave me alone, just the matter of who accepts me for who I freakin' am, just the matter of who'll never judge me from what I wear and what I eat. I just need friends.

Thanks that you never leave.

SAY HELLO TO.......

Ah, I haven't decided the name yet. Just call him "The-New-Stuffed-Animal''

Yesterday was hell a blast. Went home penniless, battery-less.
Ended up with a fight, which gives me bumps and shaken me up.
Wakin' up feverish. And oh shit tomorrow's Monday.

I got tired of drama already, I think I could sell my story to some reality show or what to earn money. Why bother way too much? Basically and obviously, it's my own fuckin' life.