I want my family back.

I’m so tired of holding on, so tired of waiting. I need to feel something real, without it breaking. It all becomes so clear, when you touch my hand. And it’s only when you’re near, i know you understand. So before we take this road, before you change my mind, fill my heart with hope, help me to believe this time. I’ve been torn apart, desperately try to find a way back to my heart, so I can love again.
Been having sleepless nights and restless days, uncountable tears falling. As you can see, that's two perfect-shaped eyebags. Thanks for the stress and the pressure, Parents.

Is that too much for me to ask for?

I want my family back, I want my Mom and Dad to be back. I want what we call a family. Funny part about this picture, my younger sister came across a question, "Jie, shi ge ren. Wo ne? Wo zai na li?"

Well, things have basically changed. I have to get myself used to it. Saving up and not having everything as one, I mean as a complete, but I have to have big hearts, to forgive, and everything will be fine. For the sake of the rest I have, for the sake of myself.

Soooo much going on yet little time and I wish I have bigger brains and bigger hearts.

I thought I have quit, but I haven't I guess?

It has been a long time since I last had drink. It's different though, but.. better than nothing at all? A shot or two is not and never a big deal right? I miss the aftermath. So much.
Been a really long time since I last had quality time with my bitches. Talk and laugh like the whole freakin' world is ours. I miss them, heaps. And last Saturday is hell a day, in a good way. On the darkest note of all, I obviously screwed so much papers that I'm in the verge of failing every subject that was examined. Feeling tremendously stupid yet moron is not a good way, you know. I'm getting so much more and more lazier than I ever imagine that honestly, if I were a different person, I'd positively drown that person of me in the deepest sea since she's extremely lazy.

Oh, I just want school days or.. examinations day are over. I'm overwhelmed and stressed out. Till then.

Let go if it kills you, because what to hold on is the one that doesn't hurt you.

i may have said this not only once, i may have said this twice or perhaps more. that, i'm actually no good enough for you, yet for anyone. i may have said things that have torn things apart. i may have said things that broke hearts. you truly, deserve someone way much more than i am. and one day when you look back, you're gonna regret the time you spend with me. yes you are. and one day, soon, i'll be questioning you. how's life without me? and you'll say, everything's fine.

Needless to say, basically everything's a mess.

even I can't trust the only one I thought I could.

There'll be one day, yeah the freaking one day.

ii know one day will come. i know that one day i wont have to suffer my stomachache every morning. i know that one day this aching stomachache will be nothing but just a very bad dream. i know that one day, i'll be able to choke down foods and drinks like all i want. i know one day i dont have to have my pills. i know one day i'll be just fine.

i know one day will come. i know that one day and the day after that, i'll be laughing freely and wholeheartedly. i know that one day, i'll get over every fear i once feel. i know that one day, i will get my faith up again. i know that one day, i will see my hopes soaring up high and not falling to pieces. i know that one day, i'll have someone to make me laugh.

i know one day will come. i know that one day, i'll no longer be the pessimistic me. i know that one day, problems wont be my harassment. i know that one day, i'll have the strength to face everything. i know that one day i'll realize that in the end, we cant be friended with loneliness all day long. i know that one day, i'll have the power to stand on my own feet.

i know that one day will come.

august, you've been hell of a ride. with ups and downs. and problems you've gotten me into to. but, hell i survived. facing september and wishing the very best of it.