Monday, November 4, 2013

define pain, please?

is this real? 
is everything even real?
why the pain is not going away?
well.. oh wait
what is pain?

they say you cry when you feel pain
but i don't even have another strength to
they say you hurt when you are in pain
but i'm more than hurt
then what is this?

this feels more than pain though.
ripped down through the soul
and rotting inside


Thursday, October 10, 2013

enough said

"He may still love you, he probably does. He probably doesn't know what he wants. He probably still thinks about you all the time. but that isn't what matters. What matters is what he's doing about it and what he's doing about is nothing. And if he's doing nothing, you most certainly shouldn't do anything. You need someone who goes out of their way to make it obvious that they want you in their life."

Pretty much.. everything.

Monday, October 7, 2013

my last fight

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true.
Nothing that I wouldn't do.
Go to the ends of the Earth for you,
To make you feel my love
To make you feel my love
before it's over. before it becomes nothing but a chapter of my past. before everything will soon decay. before memories will forever stay memories..

Friday, October 4, 2013

thanks

September 13, 2013

not my very first heartbreak, not the very first guy to ever break this feeble heart of mine, not the very first experience with going through nights with tears, but.. why this pain seems like it's rotting right into my chest, staying and never leave?

often I left myself wondering and asking the same question all over again.. can I just be myself this one night, just this one night. just to scream till my lungs hurt, just to cry out loud and say "i'm not okay", just to cry and not having to put on a fake smile.. just to not be okay?

but.. i know i have more than this.. i know.

so.. let me just say thankyou. to you.

thankyou for taking a very good care of this so-called-bossy-princess. you really have taken a very good care of me, for reminding every do and don't.
thankyou for always being there for me, like literally always. there was not a single time you're not there for me, even if it's not on that certain time, you'd usually just make it up to me.
thankyou for being a very good support system. without your support, won't be standing strong.
thankyou for dealing with me.. i know it's hard..

you know, there are actually lots i'd like to make it up to you. but nevertheless, thankyou. grateful to have spent years with you.


Wednesday, October 2, 2013

i never thought it will hurt this much

I never thought I would suffer through the phase when things go tumbling down, when friends and family are needed more than ever, but reality is.. I'm thousands of kilometers apart. I guess this is what the so called growing up phase.

I just miss home.. too much.

Friday, August 2, 2013

Bits of Melbourne.

Hey. It has been a very long time since I last wrote something on this blog. My last post was pretty much only picture and now here I'm to tell the story.

So.. I've been in Melbourne since the 24th of May.. which is a long time already. I'm currently taking RMIT's foundation in Art, Design and Architecture. And the reason being is because I'm still not sure where to go so.. I'll just play safe with foundation. Living all by myself and have to do all by myself is.. horrible. But I'm getting used at it. And being a design student turns out to be busy and full of sleepless night! Thanks to eyecream, I don't have severe eyebags.

I do miss Indonesia. I miss tempe so bad. But.. Melbourne isn't really bad either. I just dislike the always-changing weather, and sometimes the city is pretty boring. Everything's expensive that I can't go shopping. The foods are fine... eventhough they cost a bomb. 3 more weeks till term break, I can't wait to rest my feet.

RMIT Student's Diary...which i never really use.


 My ADA mates.

Ma room!

This is all foodie heaven.

I can cook now!


All around RMIT

Lost and found flea market!

English class is always... boring.


Movie here costs a lot


Went to NGV for a gallery review and saw interesting stuffs!

 My colour wheel project which is worth all the mess.

 Final of my wire project
The city baths



Timtam is addicting.

Love love love cheap treats.

Best cupcake in Melbourne, they say. And they really tastes good.


 Yours sincerely.

See you guys soon!
















Thursday, April 18, 2013

The last chapter.


This might be a cheesy-heartfelt-long-picture flooded post.


Time flies way too fast. When I was younger, I believe I have questioned when-school-is-over to my mama papa or to everyone else hundredth time. Now, I know I have the answer. 11th of April. As much as I have waited school to be over my whole life, believe me that.. when something ends, it gotta be bad.

I've waited the day my whole life, and I was 1000% sure that when school's over, I'd leap through the sky (okay I'm goddamn cheesy) and be as happy as a clown. When the day has finally come, I do feel happiness for I'll no longer need to do homeworks and wear uniforms, or the need to wake up early.. But it's weird that I'm actually feeling sad.. Super sad. It feels weird putting all my books out of the shelves and move them to a box. It feels weird not waking up at 5.40 and rushing up to school, with the purpose of continuing my sleep. And the worst part is.. it feels weird not seeing my friends and boyfriend everyday. This might sound unusual and you might think that I'm weird for being sad and melancholy. But believe me when this happens to you, you'll feel the same. (and.. the rest will be in Indonesian, kay..)








 Entahlah, mungkin saya merindukan belajar Matematika, Fisika, Biologi, ataupun Kimia. Saya pasti akan merindukan les sepulang sekolah dan bercanda lebih banyak daripada belajarnya. Saya pasti akan merindukan saat saat menegangkan saat ulangan harian dibagikan. Saya pasti akan merindukan perasaan lega ketika akhirnya bisa lulus ulangan matematika, atau perasaan sedih ketika harus remedial matematika lagi untuk yang kesekian kalinya. Saya akan merindukan muka polos teman teman saya yang sedang berada di awan mimpi ketika presentasi Fisika. Saya pasti akan merindukan lari lari ke kantin bersama teman teman saya demi menghindari antrian panjang pada jam jam istirahat. Saya pasti akan merindukan nasi uduk 5000 beserta tempenya. Saya pasti akan merindukan momen dimana saya biasanya tertidur di lab kimia, bercanda dan tidak pernah mengerti apa apa selama lab fisika, atau tercengang bingung dan kesal ketika tidak kunjung mendapatkan hasil dari preparat. Saya pasti akan merindukan saat saya selalu ngedumel ketika membaca jadwal Mat TR 2 jam, atau pelajaran bahasa Indonesia 2 jam. Saya pasti akan merindukan sensasi ulangan jam ke 0... dan banyak lagi yang mungkin akan membuat anda bosan membacanya.



Mam Mel, the most motherly teacher.

Bu Budi is my favourite Biology teacher.


Bu Tresna, the most punctual teacher ever existed.

Pak Mangatur, cutest teacher ever.

Saya tidak pernah menyangka meninggalkan SMAK 5 akan menjadi sesusah ini. Melepaskan titel pelajar, melepaskan rompi kotak kotak dengan badge Penabur. Meninggalkan gedung norak berwarna merah biru dan kuning yang saya sambangi selama 6 tahun terakhir dimana saya belajar banyak hal. Gedung paling norak yang pernah ada yang penuh dengan cemilan karsogenik, mulai dari snack lidi sampai Warsun di jalan raya, dari cong fan hingga makanan kantin yang setiap tahun naik seribu rupiah. Pelan pelan meninggalkan apa yang sudah terjadi selama 6 tahun di Penabur. Dan terlebih lagi.. meninggalkan teman teman. Ya, mereka yang mengajarkan saya bahwa teman baik bukanlah orang yang meninggalkanmu ketika anda kesulitan. Mereka yang mengajarkan saya bahwa tidak lulus ulangan bukan akhir dari dunia, tapi tidak lulus remedial lah akhir dari segalanya. Mereka yang mengisi kekosongan hati dan mengisi hari dengan canda tawa, hinaan, pukulan, makian, hingga pelukan kasih.

The ones who made goodbye-s are so damn hard.


Hari hari terakhir sekolah memang diisi dengan kejenuhan. Kejenuhan belajar, kejenuhan harus berjuang lagi, dan berbagai pergumulan lainnya. Namun ketka satu hari itu tiba.. Kejenuhan seakan terganti dengan haru. Saling meminta maaf dan juga berterimakasih. Peluk pelukan terakhir dan semangat untuk berjuang melawan musuh terakhir sebelum menyelamatkan sang putri. Menyanyikan hymne guru sebagai dedikasi terakhir kami untuk para pahlawan tanpa tanda jasa, yang membuat kami akhirnya menyatu dalam tangis haru. Ya, guru guru yang selalu saya dumelin setiap soal ulangan terlalu sulit atau cara mengajarnya terlalu absurd. Namun percayalah, bahwa mereka yang menyebalkan, akan membekas dalam di benak saya.


Who'll not miss studying in class? Makin' noises and dozing off?

Saya bukan meninggalkan BPK PENABUR dengan tangan hampa. Saya bukan meninggalkan almamater selama 6 tahun tanpa membawa bekal apa apa untuk hidup saya kedepannya. Saya memang tidak akan pernah bisa mahir dalam Matematika, apalagi ketika itu berhubungan dengan jarak geometri dan integral. Suatu saat nanti, saya pasti akan lupa bahwa hanya sel hewan yang memiliki lisosom dan sentriol, sementara sel tumbuhan memiliki kloroplas dan vakuola. Saya juga pasti tidak akan hafal mati semua teori atom Rutherford, efek fotolistrik atau hamburan Coumpton. Mungkin saya nantinya juga akan lupa bahwa CH=CH2 itu stirena, bahan baku buat bikin plastik. Ya, sekolah memang tempat buat menimba ilmu. Untuk belajar mengenai hukum pasti. Namun, sekarang saya menyadari bahwa sesungguhnya hidup membutuhkan ilmu yang lebih dari teori atom, rumus integral volume, efek fotolistrik, ataupun hafalan monomer polimer..




Apabila suatu saat nanti saya jalan kita berkesimpangan, jangan tanyakan saya mengenai pelajaran Fisika atau Kimia karena saya yakin saya tidak akan pernah mengingatnya kembali, maaf. Namun tanyakanlah kepada saya apa yang saya pelajari dari SMAK5. Dan tanpa ragu saya akan menjawab, kerja keras membuahkan hasil, apabila Tuhan mengkehendaki. Life is all about the fight and how hard you're willing to compete in the rat race. SMAK 5 is literally more than just daily tests, it's about life lessons. Hard work, responsibility, and to never give up.

"Semangat juang, sukseskan misi iman, ilmu, pelayanan."

Monday, April 8, 2013

Hallo.

Hallo.

Been quite busy occupying myself with school and national examination preparation. It's next week and yes, high school ends. Just like that. Eventhough I still and forever will hate math classes, I'm trying my best not to be grumpy during lesson because I know I'll definitely miss the feeling of studying in class. And on every lesson too! :)

Just a quick picture post to tell what has happened these days.

Super yummy cheesecake and almond mini cake from Maqui's and also super delicate Hokkaido layer cake ( Mille feuille)

Well, a better view. It's oreo and green tea! 

Just because the delivery guy is 30 mins late. Got a free voucher yay!

Because I can't afford a Loubs, so this Zara kids loafers will do me good.

My ugly Australia visa picture. Looked so tired.

Happy birthday boyfriend!

What I got him..

Because I was too bored..

Fish and Chips for his birthday @ The Manhattan Fish Market

What I'm best at... Looking ugly.

Pretty mommy doing what she's best at!

Another mommy picture..

I never know what's it called but it's one of my fav sushi from Sushi Tei.

Yay to 500 days.

Some physics shit.

A crown for McDonald because I'm 18 years old.

Ugly pic #2 (but I still posted it anyways..)

This is #2 best spanish food.. #1 is paella.

My cousins give me and i find it cute.

Salud!

Lavender ugly toe nails.

Adios!