The only unsinkable ship is friendship.

I love them, heaps.

It's because I don't want another heart to break.

If I ever leave all in sudden, if I ever disappear and not returning calls or messages, if I ever vanish from your life out of nowhere, if you can't find me in every way, it's not that I'm kidnapped by an alien from outer space, or you do me wrong that makes me hate you. Because if I ever one do of those things, or perhaps all at once, it means I don't see we both can work it out any further than what we have at the meantime. It's because I don't want another heart to break, I don't wanna give false alarms and false hopes. I don't wanna see you live in lies. I don't want you to hope for something that isn't going to happen. I don't wanna hurt you in continuously pain. I'd rather hurt you once, make you hate me, than let you be.

A dark note, I've made up my mind. I'm reconsidering everything that I might not be taking and go after my Plan A majoring Design. Well it's because I highly doubt myself. And now I'm like a lost kid not knowing which winding road should I take. By the way, it seems like everyone's having a hard time. Me either. My right jaw has been hurting for days. Not being able to open my mouth widely and munching food properly and not to forget, not being able to laugh hard and scream hard is a definite pain. And the fact I had hamburger yesterday was definitely the worst thing. Days at science class is blah but.. I find myself not procrastinating, no more. I mean, I do homeworks days before the due date, not the night before like I always do in grade 10. Well I guess it's because I know I don't have much time to. That's good. I'm trying to enjoy my class a little by little, tryna see the best part of my class which is... Blah, I still can't find one but I know soon I'll find one. I feel so much hatred inside of me that I need to get rid of it, lower my freaking ego and talk to my friend in no time. I have to cool down a bit and start solving things out.

I never hated you and I guess I never really could. Well still, it was you who once made my days and gave me smiles. Who helped me sort things out and you were the very first one who's there when I needed somebody. You never really did things wrong, it's just.. things have found a better way to work out. But bestfriends stick together all the time, don't they?

You hate love, but it;s inevitable

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”

Nothing lasts forever.

My very bestfriend's Dad just passed away. It has been 100 days since my uncle passed away. Summer 2 years ago, a friend of mine also passed away. The thing about life is.. Nothing lasts forever. Really nothing. People come and go, days passes and things go by. Time keeps on ticking and it won't stop for even a meresecond. Honestly, I'm not good dealing with death. Things are never the same after death approaches. Seeing your friends and family crying over a dead body, and the body of someone you loved is no longer breathing. It is never easy. And never will be easy. But, life goes on. You shall not cry over things that has been done. God has a plan.

Things have been so ARGH lately. I feel like screaming to the top of my lungs. Lord.

I'm so glad to have you back.

Same hospital, same storey, same alley, same person, different time, condition and feelings. The talk that simply changes the way I think and the way I will look forward things. It was the talk that slaps me right in the face. How I saw things in the different side which is.. the freaking cause of everything. It has been years. not just year. But years. And we never actually have ever left each other. It's funny how we knew things without being told. We just knew. I'm just so glad to have my friend back.


10 years of Harry Potter and I'm so glad that I was able to make it to the premiere. 14th July. It all ends, and I did cry. A lot. I mean, all these years. I have another Harry Potter book/movie to look after to. But now, it's over. Well, thanks Harry Potter.

Well in my case, I heal at a slower pace.

The ones we love tend to stay in our hearts and minds long after the relationship ends. While some move on quickly, others dwell and heal at a slower pace. Whatever the case, the thoughts, emotions and memories we experience during this time are heartwrenchingly powerful and real.

Oh she's the prettiest!

This is miss Suicide Avenue. She's the prettiest <3

Everyone judges. But I try not to.

This was what I am going to have if I don't have extreme sensitive skin :(

Isn't it annoying when people who barely know you judge you like, all they want? The people who only know you by your name, by your Facebook profile, by the tweets you tweeted on Twitter, the ones who know you just by the way you walk, you smile, and you talk - not to them, and the stories they heard about you. You never even talked to them, not a single word. You never even bothered them, never even cared a bit 'bout them. And they judge you, they talk stuffs about you, like they've known you since you barely remember. You only know my name, not me. You only hear stories about me, but you barely know what I got through.
Really, I actually don't bother much about what people say about me. I mean, well I try to care less. Judgements hurt. And in the end, it's myself who I'm living for. Not the rest. But I just can't help myself when it's getting too much. Literally, too much. I just don't get the point of people saying stuffs 'bout me. I mean, why don't you talk stuffs more important? You spend your freaking precious time hating and talking stuffs about me? We don't even know each other so why bother? I'm living my freaking own life and I'm sorry if it disturbs yours. But live yours like I live mine, care less. I know everyone has the right to hate, and I know I'm not lovable. But, could you just care less like I do when it comes to you? Everyone got their own flaws.

On the other hand, I'm still in Mom and Dad's place. Yes, I'm staying here for another two weeks. Well, one part of me is loving my stay here, not wanting to come back Jakarta since everything's so easy here. I got my maid, my freaking little sister and brother, Mommy and Daddy, and yes, driver! Enough money, zillions of food, no need to do chores and no need to clean up beds and clothes. But the other side of me misses being alone. I miss the very silent moment just between me and the four walls. Regarding to what happened lately, yes I am missing the moment me being all by myself. You know, I can act like I am not fine all the time because no one freaking cares. I have to look all so fine right now, I have to act like medication doesn't hurt and betrayals are nothing. I miss the time when I just can do whatever I want, like rant in my pillows when I'm freaking pissed, roll over and break down in tears when I feel emotional, or laugh and talk to stuffed animals.
But anyways, time flies that actually it has been 4 years of living apart from Mom and Dad, apart from all the freakin' comforts, I'm just so used to feel alone and being alone. The feeling of just me and the four walls and stuffed animals. Being not fine and facing truths all by myself. The moment when I have to turn on music just to make me feel I have a company. The moment when I have to bear not being in family reunions dinner and skipping so much family and loved ones birthdays. The moment watching them growing up, as I am, but miles apart. Yeah, I'm used to it.

Two more weeks to go until school reopens. Someone, please bomb my school. And oh, speaking of school.. Yes, I'm in the freakin' year 11, science class. I don't think this is what I want. I highly doubt this. But well for now, I guess I just have to keep faith, this is what I want. I don't know what I like, I don't know if this is really what I'm into to. Oh fuck. I guess for now, I'll just have to keep faith, get things figured out by itself later on, and enjoy the rest of my summer. Yeah.

Till then.