It's because I don't want another heart to break.

If I ever leave all in sudden, if I ever disappear and not returning calls or messages, if I ever vanish from your life out of nowhere, if you can't find me in every way, it's not that I'm kidnapped by an alien from outer space, or you do me wrong that makes me hate you. Because if I ever one do of those things, or perhaps all at once, it means I don't see we both can work it out any further than what we have at the meantime. It's because I don't want another heart to break, I don't wanna give false alarms and false hopes. I don't wanna see you live in lies. I don't want you to hope for something that isn't going to happen. I don't wanna hurt you in continuously pain. I'd rather hurt you once, make you hate me, than let you be.

A dark note, I've made up my mind. I'm reconsidering everything that I might not be taking and go after my Plan A majoring Design. Well it's because I highly doubt myself. And now I'm like a lost kid not knowing which winding road should I take. By the way, it seems like everyone's having a hard time. Me either. My right jaw has been hurting for days. Not being able to open my mouth widely and munching food properly and not to forget, not being able to laugh hard and scream hard is a definite pain. And the fact I had hamburger yesterday was definitely the worst thing. Days at science class is blah but.. I find myself not procrastinating, no more. I mean, I do homeworks days before the due date, not the night before like I always do in grade 10. Well I guess it's because I know I don't have much time to. That's good. I'm trying to enjoy my class a little by little, tryna see the best part of my class which is... Blah, I still can't find one but I know soon I'll find one. I feel so much hatred inside of me that I need to get rid of it, lower my freaking ego and talk to my friend in no time. I have to cool down a bit and start solving things out.

I never hated you and I guess I never really could. Well still, it was you who once made my days and gave me smiles. Who helped me sort things out and you were the very first one who's there when I needed somebody. You never really did things wrong, it's just.. things have found a better way to work out. But bestfriends stick together all the time, don't they?