Everyone judges. But I try not to.

This was what I am going to have if I don't have extreme sensitive skin :(

Isn't it annoying when people who barely know you judge you like, all they want? The people who only know you by your name, by your Facebook profile, by the tweets you tweeted on Twitter, the ones who know you just by the way you walk, you smile, and you talk - not to them, and the stories they heard about you. You never even talked to them, not a single word. You never even bothered them, never even cared a bit 'bout them. And they judge you, they talk stuffs about you, like they've known you since you barely remember. You only know my name, not me. You only hear stories about me, but you barely know what I got through.
Really, I actually don't bother much about what people say about me. I mean, well I try to care less. Judgements hurt. And in the end, it's myself who I'm living for. Not the rest. But I just can't help myself when it's getting too much. Literally, too much. I just don't get the point of people saying stuffs 'bout me. I mean, why don't you talk stuffs more important? You spend your freaking precious time hating and talking stuffs about me? We don't even know each other so why bother? I'm living my freaking own life and I'm sorry if it disturbs yours. But live yours like I live mine, care less. I know everyone has the right to hate, and I know I'm not lovable. But, could you just care less like I do when it comes to you? Everyone got their own flaws.

On the other hand, I'm still in Mom and Dad's place. Yes, I'm staying here for another two weeks. Well, one part of me is loving my stay here, not wanting to come back Jakarta since everything's so easy here. I got my maid, my freaking little sister and brother, Mommy and Daddy, and yes, driver! Enough money, zillions of food, no need to do chores and no need to clean up beds and clothes. But the other side of me misses being alone. I miss the very silent moment just between me and the four walls. Regarding to what happened lately, yes I am missing the moment me being all by myself. You know, I can act like I am not fine all the time because no one freaking cares. I have to look all so fine right now, I have to act like medication doesn't hurt and betrayals are nothing. I miss the time when I just can do whatever I want, like rant in my pillows when I'm freaking pissed, roll over and break down in tears when I feel emotional, or laugh and talk to stuffed animals.
But anyways, time flies that actually it has been 4 years of living apart from Mom and Dad, apart from all the freakin' comforts, I'm just so used to feel alone and being alone. The feeling of just me and the four walls and stuffed animals. Being not fine and facing truths all by myself. The moment when I have to turn on music just to make me feel I have a company. The moment when I have to bear not being in family reunions dinner and skipping so much family and loved ones birthdays. The moment watching them growing up, as I am, but miles apart. Yeah, I'm used to it.

Two more weeks to go until school reopens. Someone, please bomb my school. And oh, speaking of school.. Yes, I'm in the freakin' year 11, science class. I don't think this is what I want. I highly doubt this. But well for now, I guess I just have to keep faith, this is what I want. I don't know what I like, I don't know if this is really what I'm into to. Oh fuck. I guess for now, I'll just have to keep faith, get things figured out by itself later on, and enjoy the rest of my summer. Yeah.

Till then.