The emo days are not over... yet.

The fact that time flies so fast is rather sad. I mean, it's like I've wasted the whole time sulking in my miseries and do nothing, whereas in fact, I could just move on and do other things instead. It's proving me that I'm such a bitch. Sulking in my miseries and regretting, crying all over the past, thinking thoughts that I shouldn't be thinking at very first place, I got my heart broken and what I did? I just let it broke without trying to pick the shattered pieces and put it back altogether. I know it's waaay too late to regret everything. But, I just hate the fact that I over-thought things.

My life... what can I say? Another disappointment. I completely have lost my faith in everything. Literally. Now I'm not buying anything. I don't believe that things are genuine or were genuine at the first place. The one thought is the one, whom I thought I can really turn to, turns out to be just the same as other girls. Spread out my secrets, and betrays even her own words. Did she know that I know this? No. And me? I'm more than awful. She was my bestfriend, she hurts me. Now what? It's another disappointment to deal with, and I swear, I'm tired of being disappointed, all over again. I'm tired of having my expectations turned down. I'm tired of losing faith. I mean like, now that I believe in no one, I keep on thinking, can I have everything on my own? Can I deal with stuffs?

I miss having the ones I can really count on, the ones who know my poker face, the ones who'll be there, literally- when I need them, the ones who'll give hugs when I'm in need of one, the ones who have my back, who'll stand for me when I get nags for screwing curfew, the ones who make me forget my heartbreak and make me laugh like an utter idiot, the ones who'll never be ashamed to stand by me and do stupid things together.

I just want friends. Real friends. Is that so much? I have been questioning a lot and I barely find the answer.