For what happened. twas no one's fault. No one to be blamed. It's coming down itself, it's tumbling down itself. I know I'm not strong, but this emo phase won't last too long.
I was sleeping when I saw a vision. A girl sitting under a tree on her own, in her very pale white dress, but no I can't see her face. She came approach me, with a tap on my shoulder, she said. Life's too short for you to cry over the past, to sulk under the miseries, to regret what you have done wrong. Count your time, how much you've been wasting on being emo, crying over stuffs which you should be getting over instead? You know you have limited time, you know not when you're going. Literally going, forever. Stop being whiny. For every mistake you did, it wasn't meant to make you feel small and make you feel like a fool, it's the phase to get stronger, to know which one's right, to learn not to do the same thing all over again. I ain't saying every mistake is good, but what you have to do is learn from them, not to sulk on and regret. For everyone that left, that simply means, you're getting older and you have to learn standing on your own feet. But have faith, you'll have someone standing at your back, who'll catch you when you fall. No one guarantees that life's easy, no one guarantees that love is plain sweet, no one guarantees that friendship stays forever. But out of the blue, you can always see the sun. I was once your age, got my heart broken, seeing my hopes up so high then saw it falling down, being left over and forgotten. I was once in your shoes that I simply know how it feels like to be you. But, darling believe in me. Doing what you're doing now, you're more wasting the time than cherishing what you have. Stop having "if only", start having "I could do this instead." That's what she told me. And it was like a slap on a face, a very hard one that I was awakened and I found out that I've fallen asleep with teary eyes.
Gotta deal with what I fear the most tomorrow, gotta have my heart, soul, body, and mind for the worst decision. July, isn't it way too long for the result to come out? I'm afraid of opening the envelope, seeing the sayings that everything's not working properly. That I might have more things to deal with. I might not have the very best holiday since the result's out for so long. Everything's in stake! Anyway, guess holiday's starting for everyone. So, happy holiday. Summer 2011! I'm hoping for the best of Bali and Singapore, despite the medical thing. Till then x
Letting go doesn't always mean that I give in, nor I giving up. It doesn't always mean that I'm done. Doesn't always mean I don't feel that way anymore. It doesn't always mean I'm tired of hoping. But perhaps this time, it means that I know perhaps he deserves someone who's way much better than I am. You know, it's time to let go. Because perhaps the only thing I'd like to see is him happy, eventhough it's not me. Because from the very first place, I knew it's not me and never will be me. Whoever's gonna have him, well she'd better be treating him right.
Well knowing the truth's not easy, never have been easy eversince. But, I'm glad I've known :)
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