Summer love isn't meant to be.

I love the moon, I love stars, I love the clouds, I love the wind breezing, I love the sun, I love raindrops, I love thunders and lightnings. I just love the sky and everything in it.

It has been a while, and I'm glad I'm slowly not overwhelmed. Things were hard, but that doesn't mean I can't. Weeks before school started, I'm not wasting my time. No.

I go ahead and smile :)

For what happened. twas no one's fault. No one to be blamed. It's coming down itself, it's tumbling down itself. I know I'm not strong, but this emo phase won't last too long.

I was sleeping when I saw a vision. A girl sitting under a tree on her own, in her very pale white dress, but no I can't see her face. She came approach me, with a tap on my shoulder, she said. Life's too short for you to cry over the past, to sulk under the miseries, to regret what you have done wrong. Count your time, how much you've been wasting on being emo, crying over stuffs which you should be getting over instead? You know you have limited time, you know not when you're going. Literally going, forever. Stop being whiny. For every mistake you did, it wasn't meant to make you feel small and make you feel like a fool, it's the phase to get stronger, to know which one's right, to learn not to do the same thing all over again. I ain't saying every mistake is good, but what you have to do is learn from them, not to sulk on and regret. For everyone that left, that simply means, you're getting older and you have to learn standing on your own feet. But have faith, you'll have someone standing at your back, who'll catch you when you fall. No one guarantees that life's easy, no one guarantees that love is plain sweet, no one guarantees that friendship stays forever. But out of the blue, you can always see the sun. I was once your age, got my heart broken, seeing my hopes up so high then saw it falling down, being left over and forgotten. I was once in your shoes that I simply know how it feels like to be you. But, darling believe in me. Doing what you're doing now, you're more wasting the time than cherishing what you have. Stop having "if only", start having "I could do this instead." That's what she told me. And it was like a slap on a face, a very hard one that I was awakened and I found out that I've fallen asleep with teary eyes.

Gotta deal with what I fear the most tomorrow, gotta have my heart, soul, body, and mind for the worst decision. July, isn't it way too long for the result to come out? I'm afraid of opening the envelope, seeing the sayings that everything's not working properly. That I might have more things to deal with. I might not have the very best holiday since the result's out for so long. Everything's in stake! Anyway, guess holiday's starting for everyone. So, happy holiday. Summer 2011! I'm hoping for the best of Bali and Singapore, despite the medical thing. Till then x

Letting go doesn't always mean that I give in, nor I giving up. It doesn't always mean that I'm done. Doesn't always mean I don't feel that way anymore. It doesn't always mean I'm tired of hoping. But perhaps this time, it means that I know perhaps he deserves someone who's way much better than I am. You know, it's time to let go. Because perhaps the only thing I'd like to see is him happy, eventhough it's not me. Because from the very first place, I knew it's not me and never will be me. Whoever's gonna have him, well she'd better be treating him right.
Well knowing the truth's not easy, never have been easy eversince. But, I'm glad I've known :)

I.

I cry when smiling seems to be harder, when I can't even fake one. I fight, I struggle, I try but... I fail. I get my hopes up and ... I am disappointed. I believed and I am betrayed. I love although it may hurt. I hate. I feel. I forgive. I forget. I let go. I give in. I get blamed. I fell down yet I learned how to stand up. I was stabbed. I was failed. I failed. I fake a smile to avoid every "Are you okay?"s. I laugh because sometimes I feel like, hiding the pain could ease things, whereas in fact, I am wrong.

If I could be selfish, if there was a day for me.
I just want to be wanted, I just want to be needed. I just want someone to tell me they need me. I want someone to miss me. I just want to blame, not to be blamed. I want to be understood, not to understand others all the time. I want hugs, I want someone to stroke my hair and tell me everything's alright. I want to see my hopes up without it falling. I want someone who'll wipe away the tears and help me put back the smile.

I just hope this will last a little bit longer.

It's raining. I love rainy days. I love the smell of the rain yet the smell of the soil. I love the sound of the rain when it touches the surface, the drizzle, the sound when the wind blows the water, the whoosh thingy the rain make. I love the feeling of the rain, it's cleansing yet soothing. The rain always pampers my mood, the soothing vibes and everything. If only it could rain everyday, if only.

It's uncountable how many times this has happened.
I fell down, and I feel so small in this whole wide world. Disappointed and I stop believing in others. Betrayed and I'm a pessimistic on love. Like a little bird learned how to fly, the world wants me to learn everything in a blink of an eye. Forced to decide everything on my own. All in sudden, I feel growing up is not as easy I thought it would be.

Truth be told, I've had enough of fighting and struggling. But for the sake of you, I ain't giving up. Not yet. Maybe I have to fight harder. Maybe I have to give it another shot - I don't know. I ain't complaining. You've made me realize.. that from the very first start, I ain't standing alone.

To whom this may concern, I just have to simply thank you. And yes, I kinda miss you.

As every summer has a story.

Days of books, equations, revising and reviews over. Am biddin' my highest goodbye to the sleepless night and stressful days. Finals' over and I'm hyped. Leavin' Jakarta in just days and.. yeah, summer is here. It's the sleepless night and the extreme long day that made me think about what I've been through. Well, can't believe it's summer (again) already. Just can't believe I made through another year, a year after '10 Summer. What I've been through, what the hell happened, breakdowns, yet I'm still here standing. As every summer has a story, and I hope 2011's have a great one.

Well, these days I just need to be occupied. To avoid me and my over-thought habits, and the negative vibes.
Till then x