It's not even a hundred days of Summer.

It's you, it has always been you.

We're all walking with these glossy eyes. "I'm just tired," we say. But you know what? It's bullshit. Yes we are tired, but not from lack of sleep. We are tired of waking up with nothing to look forward to, tired of going to bed exhausted after doing a million things we find no enjoyment in doing. We're tired of this void, this emptiness that looms over us though our days are packed. We're tired of this loneliness that presses down on us even though we're surrounded by dozens of people. So why can't we just say it?

Humans are so afraid to look into each other's eyes and say "I am unhappy, I am broken, I am hopeless and fallible." We've been conditioned to associate the pain with weakness, sadness with coldness, loneliness with unworthiness, difference with disease, as if these feelings are contagious, as if ambivalence is something not to be felt but to be feared. Well I say, screw all of that. Screw forced smiles and polite handshakes and I'm fine thankyous. Screw the fear of crying in public place, screw the fake chipper voice, screw the lies we spit out to cover up our problems.

We are humans, we are meant to feel. To feel everything and to feel it all openly. We are not metal - we are flesh and bones. Our boiled blood courses through our cold, clammy hands. We are intricate and beautiful, and we should never hide our human parts, because if we do, then what's left to show?

I guess it's all my own fault from the very first start. No one to blame, not even you. It's my fault for falling for you. When I know, you will never feel the way I feel. And today, no I'm not okay.